How can you stay outside, there is a beautiful mess inside..

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Sometimes I regard myself as someone way too simple-minded than I should be, cuz I assume that people are generally good and what they did are out of good reason, but I’d blame myself for being naive given that people around me are pretty sophisticated.

However, on other occasions I’d blame myself for letting dark ideas slip into my mind and take over, I wonder what would it be like if I do things that way, would it be easier? would it be faster? And then I would helplessly agree that people grow and things change, and I can’t help it at all even if I am talking about the only person that I have full control over, while it turns out that I am not, people just grow, it’s in our nature.

So I would get into the self-disguise circle again criticizing myself for not turning into a better person, yet, not knowing clearly what it means by being a better person. I am assuming that I should choose a side and simply go with it without doubt or regret, so either a sophisticated bitch or a naïve girl, there’s no way that I can have’em both. ><.

Yea, I know you would start to make a list of people with good hearts and yet worldly enough. Then I am gonna say whoever you are naming, either there is a hidden agenda, or they did something wrong, they are trying to make it up to whoever it is.

Whatever, I am still in my early twenties, I am assuming people at my age will do a lot of thinking and still get no results, and then one day, just one blink, they will get all the answers they need to know. So I’m here awaits, pretty patiently..

The reason I said a lot of crap before was that the first episode I just watched made me think about what it means by being responsible as an adult. Unlike being a responsible kid as we were taught, when we broke a rule, let’s say we told our parents we did great in the test when we actually got a C-, we would come clean after all and apologize, and then people would forgive us. Being a responsible adult, however, based on this first episode, seems to me like this: you lied to your parents, if no one saw you doing that or nobody knew about this, then you are totally fine, if any one saw you or anybody knew that you lied, then you tried to find other people’s secrets and threaten them to not tell, and you would get away with it, and sometimes other people would threaten you again, and you would do another trick to keep things unchanged, and things go on and on and on. Nevertheless, probably it’s because when you are an adult, lying about something can cause some serious trouble, e.g.: losing your job, having no money, failing to pay the bills, etc., which means as a responsible adult, those troubles should not happen, but instead of thinking about I should not lie in the first place or no lying next time, you thought about how can I make this go away like it never happened….Soap operas make it seem like totally legitimate and right, but I know things like that happen out there and people are agree with those shit, it seems that a slight different angle, and you will get a whole new different result, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.

No need to repeat, the first episode of <Suit> is full of conspiracies, blackmailing, and all those dark ideas.

But hey with the enchanting stories and good-looking actors and actresses, no one should miss that.

#I thought I was gonna write a review#

#let’s call it a quasi-review#

#now thinking back, perhaps it’s because they are dealing with the law#

#whatever, I’m too tired to delete this and write all over again#